Emotional Manipulation and Guilt Tripping Tactics used in the US Military

Avoid Joining the Military

I was browsing Reddit on /r/NewToTheNavy and I came across a post that spoke to me. The Redditor is /u/M3rmaidMan and the Redditor was asking if their experience with their recruiter was normal, which the majority of the commenters pointed out that the interaction wasn't normal and it was emotional manipulation and guilt tripping tactics. 

A little bit about myself, I am in Coronado, CA near NASNI. I used to work here for the United States Navy from 2016-2019 and my whole Naval experience was in short, terrible. I was asked to come out here in 2021 to cat sit for two Sailors and emotional manipulation and guilt tripping was used pretty commonly and still to this day. I had my own apartment in Knoxville, TN, my own cat, and my own life to take care of but I had to drop everything for these two people. It took about 3 months just for the owner of the cat to talk to me after I had to plead with her to talk to me because the person I was cat sitting for, her wife, was sent to a psych ward. I asked the owner of the cat, "I just want to know why you refuse to talk to me when I was asked to watch your cat." After I put up a GoFundMe for her cat because I couldn't afford to take care of myself, much less this cat, some other Sailors reached out to her and told her that she needs to step up and take care of the cat. She replied to me fairly swiftly, "I sent the cat food and kitty litter, what more do you want from me?"

???

Confusion. 

I explained that effective communication is all I wanted from day 1. I was able to defuse the situation and make it less intense by talking about how the cat loves Sailor Moon but it shouldn't have taken that. I drove over 2,000 miles in a snow storm with a neurological disorder to help out people who I thought needed my help. I left mid-February and was under the impression that this would only last until April but April came around and answers were still not had. It is now June and I'm still here. I was not made aware that the cat had asthma and had other ailments, her cat food costed $95 which I had to pay for the first round and, if you're familiar with the Spoon Theory, I had to use forks just to get some accountability from the owners of the cat. The person I cat sit for asked me, "Do you not have enough money? How about your apartment back home? Do you even care to get your DD214?" and other personal, not her business, questions. She finally sent me money for the cat food and it lasted me about 1-2 months... Every time I have to get the owners to choose accountability over the cat instead of making it my responsibility, I have to use many forks and even some knives. I have no more spoons. In 2019, the person that I am cat sitting for was there when I purchased an eyepatch for my neurological disorder and she claimed recently that she didn't know I couldn't drive. I haven't been able to drive since 2019 and as of May 12, 2021 I found out that my condition is getting worse and surgery is my only option. 

Last year, I found out I'm autistic and it's been a journey to self acceptance. I love and accept myself but realized that many people only tolerated me because of my 'mask'. 

One day, the person I am cat sitting for told me "Ever since you found out you're autistic, you've changed in a short amount of time and I miss the old you. Every time I have a different opinion you only see it from your point of view and that's toxic." and other ableist comments. The perspective was first person so any other points of view were not welcomed due to me identifying as "autistic" which she didn't approve of. She felt like viewing me as "x with autism" was better than "autistic Danii" was more appropriate but I told her how I wasn't comfortable with that. 

When I first arrived in California, after driving over 2,000 miles in a snow storm, I crashed with my other friend and called it a day. My friend, the person I'm cat sitting for, posted an indirect Facebook post about me saying, "I have no friends" etc etc.. Which she has done multiple of times. I cried that night because I missed my cat and felt instant regret but I was here already. I made my bed, now it's time to sleep in it. 

Being autistic and proud has been something that has helped me much more than harmed me. Knowing my limitations and what I can do to overcome them has proven to be more efficient than pretending I am limitless. My time in the Navy was traumatic and often haunts me but I know I'll push through and make it on the other side but it all starts with acceptance. I am genuinely proud of myself. I have made so much effort to be a better version of me who doesn't need alcohol, unsupportive friends, unaccepting family, and maladaptive behaviors just to feel like I fit in. I lost a lot of myself within the Navy and many people liked the "older me" because they could cross my boundaries and use and abuse me. They cannot do that anymore and it upsets them. 

The training in the Navy has made Sailors very manipulative, emotionally abusive, and harmful to society. As a civilian, I see this now. Maybe I was once that person, who donned on the same uniform and I'm proud to say that isn't me. I am authentically me. I am proud to be me, I don't need to wear a uniform, kiss ass to higher ups, and to do things just to feel accepted in a toxic environment like the US Military. 

I hope the reader viewing this can use my story to avoid these types of people and to stand their ground. These military members live in a different reality than we do. They cannot see the consequences of their actions, they cannot feel human emotions, and they are not who they were before the military. They are not us. Avoid them if you can, I came from a family of military power... generations actually.. and I'm breaking the generational curse of saying the oath. It doesn't apply to me anymore. 

That doesn't define me anymore.